I'm not so extremist anymore.

My spiritual journey began when I was 13... and going through a dark period, also referred to as puberty! During this time, a spiritual counselor took me under her wing and shed light on my dark corners, allowing me to begin a 15 plus year journey of self-discovery.

I was just discussing with my closest friend here today how grateful I am I came to Asia. Both he and I have learned a lot from this country and our unique relationship with each other. I have literally delved into the depths of my passions for love, sex and relationships. I've discovered that wherever I go, I will build close, long-lasting friendships-- particularly sister-friends-- that motivate and inspire me to live out my heart's deepest dreams.

Some of the dreams I came here with have been fulfilled in unexpected ways. I originally wanted to go to Thailand, to discover myself in a yogic way and write, dream and envision the life I've always wanted to live. I went there for only a week, on a last minute vacation inspired by this male friend. It was a solo journey that led me deeper into myself and farther away from the extremist end of the yogic pendulum on which I'd been swinging. I stayed in a yoga community and had a drug, alcohol and sex-free break... where I delved into the Agama yoga-style way of living. It felt comfortable, but was lonely. I realized how much I missed the company of a lover or close friend-- especially at night.

Thus, I again went on a spontaneous island vacation last week to Boracay in the Philippines. This time, I went with 3 co-workers. The 2 girls and I grew very close and spent the majority of the time together. I felt fulfilled the whole vacation and wasn't missing something like I was in Thailand. This vacation was literally the opposite of my other. More of a sex, drugs and rock and roll adventure-- with a bit of yoga thrown in there.

In all this, I have realized that what I have explored thus far has been different aspects of my self... and suddenly they have all blended into one glorious mosaic of bliss!

Oh, and I met a lovely man named Michael on this vacation. He's British, 34, and into yoga and meditation. Our meeting was rather romantic-- just the type I would write in my story where I met "the one". My 2 girlfriends, who are like sisters to each other, were bickering about staying or going that night out dancing and bar hopping on the beach. And while they were doing so, I decided to wade in the ocean and look up at the stars. As I was doing so, my eyes caught gazes with a handsome dark haired man, just standing softly, drinking a Philippino beer and gazing at the stars as well. At that moment, I wished up to the stars for someone to love and love me back equally, in a harmonious and effortless way. Moments later, my girlfriends stopped bickering and ran to tell me with smiles on their faces they wanted to stay and dance at the bar by the water. I said "Okay" and took one more glance at this handsome man who was doing the same to me. At that moment, the most outgoing of the girls grabbed his hand and introduced herself. She then mumbled to me-- "This one's for you"-- and the girls ran off into the bar, leaving the two of us to enjoy the night.

The night led into 2 days of enjoyment, and then he had to fly back home.

But man, sex and love aside-- something else has blossomed inside of me lately: asking for what I want and allowing myself to receive it-- especially in relationship with other.

My desires for life at this point are basic: to marry, have children (something I've fought for a long, long time!) and write a book or two. I like to garden, do yoga, write, socialize with close girlfriends and have an intimate lover--and eventually a life partner. That's it. Where I'll end up living I leave up to the best possible outcome for my own happiness. I've realized that different places in the world do have different vibes-- and influence me in different ways.

Overall, I feel the sense of relief and release I've been waiting for all of my life! I feel settled into myself. And I'm happy. There, I said it: I'm happy! ;)



Questions:

What makes you happy?
What is your bliss?
What do you feel you miss?

xo
sarah <3>