The Beginning...

As of late, besides delving deep into Korean soil, I've been delving even deeper into the roots of my own heart and soul, exploring what makes me tick...inside and out. At the core of this exploration is LOVE... the mushy gushy aspects of it, as well and the down and dirty, nitty gritty, painful, ugly, despicable.

As you know, I thought I met my life partner this past year. Me: a girl who fantasized about living the life of a Bohemian poetess rather than being someones bride, got engaged--fast! What started quickly, faded quickly. While I still do love him--and always will--I know in my heart that he is not the one I'm meant to roam this earth with. But in my heart, there's a longing. And after the tumultuous break-up, I realized that that longing has always been there--relationship or not. I think for a while, having a man filled that void within me...but after a certain period of time (maybe 6 mos. or so) that longing came back, stronger and fiercer than ever!

I've realized how much I've sought out romantic love to fill my deep soul's yearnings. And thus, upon the ending of my engagement to Bill and one of the most emotional painful and trying times of my life: being homeless, jobless and penniless and moving back in with my parents at the age of 29!-- I broke free of the self-imposed enslavement of a lifetime of the "wrong" beliefs about love.

My cousin just wrote me an email saying she liked my quote at the end of my messages:"What you need will be drawn to you. Just be patient. Love knows what it's doing." When I read this in a Barry Long meditation book , I cried, in a soul sense-- internally, in a swoon of knowing the truth of what it is to truly love. There was a quote from Pema Chodron, a famous Buddhist author, in one of her books that 's stuck with me too: "Nothing to hold onto is the key to happiness." And so it is. Love is without bounds or limits. It is without past or future.

But the human heart and mind NEVER forgets what is real, what is love. And the body never forgets the smell, the touch, the taste of a lover. There is cellular memory as well as the emotional and mental imprints our loves/love leaves upon us--forever.

I am going to admit to you all, if you haven't already guessed: I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm in Love with LOVE!

In this time without a partner (though I've "tried" to date --and for the 1st time in my life have had all failed attempts!)--I've been forced to go inward, and make the music my heart and soul has been longing for. And for me, that music has come through writing poems, stories and journaling about my heart's quest for love, in all its forms and manifestations. It has opened me to new music, and people and places I never would have imagined journeying in this lifetime. It has allowed me to accept each and every thought and feeling I have as real and valid, and to explore those that linger in me, with more depth and time, and solitude.

And one of this years' gifts has been enveloping the blessings of womanhood. While in New Mexico, I had my 1st experience with women's circles. At first I felt tremendous resistance to these all female gatherings, as a firm believer in equality and all things that are human, not gender biased. Although, a seed was planted in New Mexico that stuck with me as I ventured to Rochester, and stumbled upon women's circles again (or did they stumble upon me?).

And along my journey, I have met SOOOOO many amazing, strong, aware women (ahem! you know who you are!)...

So...while in NYC, awaiting my visa to South Korea in a divinely timed manner, I had an epiphany: what of a woman's forum? What I envision is an inspirational way to communicate, woman to woman, heart to heart, soul to soul, in a myriad of ways. I ultimately saw a book coming out of this process. But right now, I am seeing cyberland as a great way to begin.

So, here's my proposal to you all (and your friends, relatives, etc.--please send this to any women who would totally gel with this forum)!

I propose a sharing of our stories, our woes, our fantasies. You can be married or single, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual, asexual...

ALL women are welcome. I will post a weekly question, and you can provide a response--to the group, to me, to your best friend, or just to yourself (I love sending emails to myself in this format. Try it--as a love letter from an admirer--it just might surprise you!--lol--no, seriously, though!)

So, are you ready? Here is the first question: (and if you don't like the question, maybe it will spawn something else in you. It's just a trigger for the heart/mind/soul)

What makes your heart wander?

May you all be blessed with a Love-filled week!

Namaste,

sarah ;-)--