On doing things backwards...

When I started to crawl, I went backwards first. My mother questioned my sanity. But then I crawled forwards and I think my mother heaved a big sigh of relief! The next thing was walking. And that took me awhile!

I'm realizing lately that I like taking this slowly-- being cautious about choices-- in a rather impulsive way. This is my nature. Does it make sense? Well, I could use my Gemini moon to explain things-- to say I have two heads and both have different views on things--which leads to lots of confusion and befuddled, often muddied choices. BUT, in the end, things work out as they're supposed to, and everything appears tidy (for the most part) despite a bit of chaos in between.

So, I recently tried to apply for Americorps positions in Oregon-- the place my heart and soul yearns for! The positions didn't pan out. Bummer. However, my dislike for anything that feels "jobbish" is stronger than my love of Oregon. It was actually a blessing in disguise that is leaving me to face my truest love: self-employment. I have tried on 2 separate occasions to start-up my business, Inner Bloom Yoga, in Rochester-- and both times got scared at the feeling of getting "settled" in a place I've had a love/hate relationship with all my life. So, recently, I've decided to go full force. The stars have kept me here for now, and I'm working with all of my inner resources to make my self-employment dream a reality!

It's exciting, yet terrifyingly enlightening at the same time-- opening me up to hidden doors that lead to unexplored rooms within myself. These are rooms I've been waiting to discover, and now that I am, I'm not quite sure what to do with them!

Being self-employed takes a lot of inner resolve and faith. I'm re-embracing my spirituality in a new way. I think I began to doubt myself and question my spirituality before I went to Korea. I didn't trust my ability to support myself (although the economy did go to pot while I was away), so I sought out employment with a paid apartment in a foreign land where I knew I'd have job security and health insurance for at least a year. However, this "security" came with long working hours and unpaid overtime-- and involved living in a very polluted city where very few people spoke English. That nearly year-long learning experience taught me that I DO want to be self-employed-- more than anything in fact.

Right now, I'm not seeking marriage with a partner, but with my passion: supporting myself as a single woman doing what she loves!

What fears do you have about marrying your passions?