On Freedom...

The Quetzal bird, as my Guatemalan girlfriend tells me, "...is the most beautiful and most valued bird in the world. If it were to ever be captured, a nation would weep, and its soul would pass. That is why Quetzales are the most precious, because they their feathers are worth more than known... they THE TREASURE of Guatemala, the land of eternal spring and sunshine."

In coming to a place of complete self-acceptance and love, there is a space where you stand and feel the shivers of love coming down your spine. I felt this in Kundalini opening experiences, singing mantras in yoga circles, and doing chants and meditation. I've felt that "no thought" meditative space, where only the heart lies-- in bliss, and openness and unconditional compassion, forgiveness and love.

The goal of Yoga is UNION with ALL of life. Yoga can happen in your best friend's living room while playing a drinking game and feeling connection with every person in the circle. It can happen at a concert, while striking up conversation with a complete stranger, in a place of total openness-- talking about nothing, yet feeling their heart beating with each word they speak, with each intonation they use. It can happen in an airport or traffic jam when a total stranger lets you in front of them, because they feel like being kind.

Yoga is true, undying compassion.

Sometimes it is easier for us to feel this for others and the hardest challenge can be giving this to ourselves, in our own moments of uncertainty, fear and distrust. This especially relates to following the heartbeats we feel when living and breathing each day, the breath and the thoughts connected with the breath. Suddenly, for instance, a friend (let's say in a Facebook chat-- Oh, it all comes back to the cyber connections now!) suggests you go to Japan with them for a 3 month teaching contract in the winter... and suddenly, your heart feels lightbulb-like pangs. The "YES! Let's go" button is triggered...and something begins to zoom inside of you like a steady candle flame turned bonfire... and you GULP at the sudden shift of feeling, thought and energy!

Well, this exact moment happened to me recently, after months of forethought about life choices and directions. I came back from a year in a country I didn't resonate with, feeling exhausted, depleted, and un-centered. I needed solid ground to plant myself on, and, as usual, found it in Rochester-- my home away from many homes!

In my Gemini moon nature...there's a constant swelling of ideas, thoughts, desires and travel pangs that surge up pretty regularly. However, I am able to tell the difference between ones of substance and the fleeting, uncertain kind. I am definitely a bird wanting to have a tree to nest in, but constantly needed to stretch my wings and fly a bit...then come back and regroup for awhile in my nest.

I honestly thought this would change at some point-- that I'd become the "mature adult" others expected of me. But, HA! I am a definite Peter Pan! And I'm realizing that accepting and not fighting my wind-like nature is what keeps me happy, feeling whole and complete-- truly living in a space of unconditional love and self-acceptance (which in turn affects the world...b/c it is when we truly accept ourselves that we don't care what "others" think, and we become the best versions of ourselves...truly sharing our gifts...as we truly embrace our gifts.

Oh, the deep swells of the heart. I can't get away from this coming and going, even if it gives me the outside appearance of being placed in certain judgemental boxes. One friend lovingly called me "a leaf blowing in the wind." And this is true. But at the time she said it, I really tried to dodge it and run away from it.

I continue to toy with the concept of "freedom", and what it means to me here and now...and what it's meant to me all along.

What is my concept of "travel" and how does it relate to "freedom" and "self-acceptance"?
And what is YOURS?

Everything in the mind is dualistic-- with it's polar opposite. One person says travel is running away, and another says it's running towards. And so on with everything we "think" we are.

It's in the knowing that we find freedom. It's in that space of pure, compassionate LOVE of self, which in turn is LOVE of Life itself, that we are free. In this space of acceptance, trust and love, we do not feel lost. We can be drinking, smoking, talking, singing, laughing, dancing, crying, embracing someone, or arguing with them... and as long as our heart is in LOVE with the experience, there is no feeling of entrapment. We know deep down we are FREE and we are COMPLETE.

SO... I guess the culmination of all of this hee-hawing over "self-love" and embracing this sense of union in my life is: Fuck everyone! At the end of the day, you are left with yourself, your own heart and mind-- and with your own heart and mind you die. So what we must embrace is that sense of oneness within-- with the self-doubts and the love swoons, and the heartaches and trips and silences and

noisiness and on and on and over and over.

Outside of the chatter there is nothing but peace.

Judgements and uncertainty are illusions. The Yoga comes with knowing that behind everything is an everpresent heartbeat-- a steady beating-- a rapid rythmn-- a wind-like whirling-- that of LOVE.

May you remember that you are love, peace and deep, deep beauty with every breath you take.

Namaste.