When I started to crawl, I went backwards first. My mother questioned my sanity. But then I crawled forwards and I think my mother heaved a big sigh of relief! The next thing was walking. And that took me awhile!
I'm realizing lately that I like taking this slowly-- being cautious about choices-- in a rather impulsive way. This is my nature. Does it make sense? Well, I could use my Gemini moon to explain things-- to say I have two heads and both have different views on things--which leads to lots of confusion and befuddled, often muddied choices. BUT, in the end, things work out as they're supposed to, and everything appears tidy (for the most part) despite a bit of chaos in between.
So, I recently tried to apply for Americorps positions in Oregon-- the place my heart and soul yearns for! The positions didn't pan out. Bummer. However, my dislike for anything that feels "jobbish" is stronger than my love of Oregon. It was actually a blessing in disguise that is leaving me to face my truest love: self-employment. I have tried on 2 separate occasions to start-up my business, Inner Bloom Yoga, in Rochester-- and both times got scared at the feeling of getting "settled" in a place I've had a love/hate relationship with all my life. So, recently, I've decided to go full force. The stars have kept me here for now, and I'm working with all of my inner resources to make my self-employment dream a reality!
It's exciting, yet terrifyingly enlightening at the same time-- opening me up to hidden doors that lead to unexplored rooms within myself. These are rooms I've been waiting to discover, and now that I am, I'm not quite sure what to do with them!
Being self-employed takes a lot of inner resolve and faith. I'm re-embracing my spirituality in a new way. I think I began to doubt myself and question my spirituality before I went to Korea. I didn't trust my ability to support myself (although the economy did go to pot while I was away), so I sought out employment with a paid apartment in a foreign land where I knew I'd have job security and health insurance for at least a year. However, this "security" came with long working hours and unpaid overtime-- and involved living in a very polluted city where very few people spoke English. That nearly year-long learning experience taught me that I DO want to be self-employed-- more than anything in fact.
Right now, I'm not seeking marriage with a partner, but with my passion: supporting myself as a single woman doing what she loves!
What fears do you have about marrying your passions?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Remembering the time!
Oh, how Micheal Jackson's recent death has sent my head and heart spinning back to my childhood, early teen years and time in South Korea. I had a Facebook chat today with a male friend of mine in Oregon-- someone whom I've only known in cyberland--as we have mutual friends and interests. The matrix of cyber connection (hence, this blog being a string in that web of connection) can carry us to places and people we would never know otherwise. This friend recently commented on a Micheal Jackson link I put up-- and I thought upon reading it, "Have I ever even physically met this person?". So, being the bold lady that I am, I sent him a message asking him such, to which he replied, "No, we have not met--and we connected through Myspace [when I had an account there!]. But I think we have mutual friends in common."-- to which I discovered we have one. This is someone I almost went on a blind date with, but didn't and now we're engaging in hour long online chats and perusing each others' travel pictures. How interesting cyberland is.
It's almost like Neverland--but without the rides and cotton candy. I'm finding a sense of play and maintaining friendships across the globe with daily chats and Facebook check-ups that keep my mind connected to the happenings of all of those I've engaged with in a long-term intimate, and short-term superficial way.
I hear my mother saying "You never know how you're going to meet that special someone. One day, he'll just pop up out of nowhere--when you're not looking." And what used to mean physical "pop-ups" can now be a cyber pop-up-- like a random guy from Oregon that starts a chat with me. The possibilities for meeting someone with cyberland now seem endless. And the impossible is less likely.
I'm constantly fascinated--and sometimes disgusted by technology. When it is available, it is all consuming. Thus, I find myself seeking respite from "the matrix of the word wide web" by going to remote places for a period of time where I know I won't have access to it. When I was in Thailand recently for a month, I chose not to get a cellphone, even though they were very cheap there. My friends there were constantly nagging me about not having one-- because we had to setup meeting dates the old-fashioned way-- by planning a time to meet the next day and being there! Strangely enough, I felt like I was 8 years old again meeting up with my neighborhood friends. And if we didn't plan, then someone would show-up at my doorstep at just the right time. It was romantic to live that way again and remind myself that life is simple and easy and that humans are in tune with each other without Twitter texts or Facebook updates.
However, the cyber-age doesn't need to be discounted either. I mean I was able to order my plane ticket back to the states and plan my trip within a day-- as well as talk to family via Skype for free!
It's the Middle Way-- the way the Buddha lived--that seems to be the key to happiness for most of us.
So... my question....
What is your middle way? And what ways do you feel your soul has gone astray???
<3>
It's almost like Neverland--but without the rides and cotton candy. I'm finding a sense of play and maintaining friendships across the globe with daily chats and Facebook check-ups that keep my mind connected to the happenings of all of those I've engaged with in a long-term intimate, and short-term superficial way.
I hear my mother saying "You never know how you're going to meet that special someone. One day, he'll just pop up out of nowhere--when you're not looking." And what used to mean physical "pop-ups" can now be a cyber pop-up-- like a random guy from Oregon that starts a chat with me. The possibilities for meeting someone with cyberland now seem endless. And the impossible is less likely.
I'm constantly fascinated--and sometimes disgusted by technology. When it is available, it is all consuming. Thus, I find myself seeking respite from "the matrix of the word wide web" by going to remote places for a period of time where I know I won't have access to it. When I was in Thailand recently for a month, I chose not to get a cellphone, even though they were very cheap there. My friends there were constantly nagging me about not having one-- because we had to setup meeting dates the old-fashioned way-- by planning a time to meet the next day and being there! Strangely enough, I felt like I was 8 years old again meeting up with my neighborhood friends. And if we didn't plan, then someone would show-up at my doorstep at just the right time. It was romantic to live that way again and remind myself that life is simple and easy and that humans are in tune with each other without Twitter texts or Facebook updates.
However, the cyber-age doesn't need to be discounted either. I mean I was able to order my plane ticket back to the states and plan my trip within a day-- as well as talk to family via Skype for free!
It's the Middle Way-- the way the Buddha lived--that seems to be the key to happiness for most of us.
So... my question....
What is your middle way? And what ways do you feel your soul has gone astray???
<3>
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
So close...!
So, I have been in love with a younger fellow for quite sometime now. We lived together, worked together, ate together and shared a bed together in South Korea. We were neighbors-- he lived on the 1st floor and I on the 5th--who became friends that had an affinity for each other. The tension in that friendship was strong, and soon (a bit painfully from my side of it) bloomed into a relationship of sorts, without being deemed one by the two of us. Coworkers saw that we were a couple-- but the feelings that existed between us didn't make us want to jump into it--because they were so strong--and he being 24 and me being 30...well..
I'm sure many a good relationship have survived the age thing. But when you're a woman who wants to have children soon...and settle down and raise a family in, let's say OREGON...then the age thing does matter, does it not? He's not there. Not ready for a family yet. Can't even pay his bills, in fact. Well, mostly because he owns a condo in Boston that he's paying for while in Korea. =) Ah, love. It does make the heart grow, that's one thing I know.
I can love until I can't love no more, but somebody's gotta put food on the table and pay the rent!
Oh, the endless, ageless quandary: the "love" between us feels so right, but the reality of it is so not. THIS is what has sent my head spinning recently. So, I am going to do something bold: wait and see what happens.
I do believe in the magic of love in all its many forms and manifestations. I wonder what magic will come of this?!
Question:
Tell me of your "oh so wrong" Love and how the Universe made it "so right"!
I'm sure many a good relationship have survived the age thing. But when you're a woman who wants to have children soon...and settle down and raise a family in, let's say OREGON...then the age thing does matter, does it not? He's not there. Not ready for a family yet. Can't even pay his bills, in fact. Well, mostly because he owns a condo in Boston that he's paying for while in Korea. =) Ah, love. It does make the heart grow, that's one thing I know.
I can love until I can't love no more, but somebody's gotta put food on the table and pay the rent!
Oh, the endless, ageless quandary: the "love" between us feels so right, but the reality of it is so not. THIS is what has sent my head spinning recently. So, I am going to do something bold: wait and see what happens.
I do believe in the magic of love in all its many forms and manifestations. I wonder what magic will come of this?!
Question:
Tell me of your "oh so wrong" Love and how the Universe made it "so right"!
Friday, April 3, 2009
I don't know anymore!
So why am I writing this blog only for women?
Can't men take part too?
What is the difference between the sexes that makes everything seem so gender-fied?
Well, I'm not going to get into a long debate on that right now. Actually, I miss all your input!
So please, if you're reading this entry, respond via the blog or email-- with at least one word: love, ick, fantabulous~!, word!-- whatever flows from your heart! k? Can you do that? For me?
I don't just want to banter about the musings and mishaps of my everyday life. I want YOU, the reader, to speak-- to sing-- to spell out your meandering mind and heart for myself and others to enjoy!
The endless mutterings of the heart make me feel topsy turvy sometimes. In one day, I can experience a myriad of miniscule...and grandiose emotions! In one hour, I can feel the heartbeat of the Universe within the framework of conversations with co-workers, second language students, and my own heart and mind!
I just want to connect with people in a heartfelt way. I want to bring voices and grunts and bumps and chums together in a whirlishly dervish way.
How can this be done?
Well, I used to think it had to be done by going against the grain-- by defying all societal norms and forging my OWN path! This forging meant: no 9-5 job, no insurance, no wedding, no college degree (even though I'd already obtained one).
So... have I "grown up", have I "caved to the norm"-- the liminal way of being? Or have I just found that the heart blooms in simplicity. Basic survival ain't as easy as it used to be! We aren't in tribes hunting and gathering to survive. In that lifestyle, people have their place with greater ease. Some hunt, some gather, some cook-- and there's at least one medicine man or woman. But now there is SO much possibility-- that it can take humans their whole lives to find where their true heart's simplicity lies.
Stories like The Alchemist speak to so many because they are words people are thirsty for. It is not about "getting somewhere"-- but about being where you are. Ha! Plain and simple, isn't it?
Maybe it's just that that long journey in my 20s has come to an end and I'm reaping the benefits of some great reward: complacency and a sense of self and purpose-- even though I don't know what that purpose is half of the time!
Can't men take part too?
What is the difference between the sexes that makes everything seem so gender-fied?
Well, I'm not going to get into a long debate on that right now. Actually, I miss all your input!
So please, if you're reading this entry, respond via the blog or email-- with at least one word: love, ick, fantabulous~!, word!-- whatever flows from your heart! k? Can you do that? For me?
I don't just want to banter about the musings and mishaps of my everyday life. I want YOU, the reader, to speak-- to sing-- to spell out your meandering mind and heart for myself and others to enjoy!
The endless mutterings of the heart make me feel topsy turvy sometimes. In one day, I can experience a myriad of miniscule...and grandiose emotions! In one hour, I can feel the heartbeat of the Universe within the framework of conversations with co-workers, second language students, and my own heart and mind!
I just want to connect with people in a heartfelt way. I want to bring voices and grunts and bumps and chums together in a whirlishly dervish way.
How can this be done?
Well, I used to think it had to be done by going against the grain-- by defying all societal norms and forging my OWN path! This forging meant: no 9-5 job, no insurance, no wedding, no college degree (even though I'd already obtained one).
So... have I "grown up", have I "caved to the norm"-- the liminal way of being? Or have I just found that the heart blooms in simplicity. Basic survival ain't as easy as it used to be! We aren't in tribes hunting and gathering to survive. In that lifestyle, people have their place with greater ease. Some hunt, some gather, some cook-- and there's at least one medicine man or woman. But now there is SO much possibility-- that it can take humans their whole lives to find where their true heart's simplicity lies.
Stories like The Alchemist speak to so many because they are words people are thirsty for. It is not about "getting somewhere"-- but about being where you are. Ha! Plain and simple, isn't it?
Maybe it's just that that long journey in my 20s has come to an end and I'm reaping the benefits of some great reward: complacency and a sense of self and purpose-- even though I don't know what that purpose is half of the time!
Monday, March 9, 2009
I'm not so extremist anymore.
My spiritual journey began when I was 13... and going through a dark period, also referred to as puberty! During this time, a spiritual counselor took me under her wing and shed light on my dark corners, allowing me to begin a 15 plus year journey of self-discovery.
I was just discussing with my closest friend here today how grateful I am I came to Asia. Both he and I have learned a lot from this country and our unique relationship with each other. I have literally delved into the depths of my passions for love, sex and relationships. I've discovered that wherever I go, I will build close, long-lasting friendships-- particularly sister-friends-- that motivate and inspire me to live out my heart's deepest dreams.
Some of the dreams I came here with have been fulfilled in unexpected ways. I originally wanted to go to Thailand, to discover myself in a yogic way and write, dream and envision the life I've always wanted to live. I went there for only a week, on a last minute vacation inspired by this male friend. It was a solo journey that led me deeper into myself and farther away from the extremist end of the yogic pendulum on which I'd been swinging. I stayed in a yoga community and had a drug, alcohol and sex-free break... where I delved into the Agama yoga-style way of living. It felt comfortable, but was lonely. I realized how much I missed the company of a lover or close friend-- especially at night.
Thus, I again went on a spontaneous island vacation last week to Boracay in the Philippines. This time, I went with 3 co-workers. The 2 girls and I grew very close and spent the majority of the time together. I felt fulfilled the whole vacation and wasn't missing something like I was in Thailand. This vacation was literally the opposite of my other. More of a sex, drugs and rock and roll adventure-- with a bit of yoga thrown in there.
In all this, I have realized that what I have explored thus far has been different aspects of my self... and suddenly they have all blended into one glorious mosaic of bliss!
Oh, and I met a lovely man named Michael on this vacation. He's British, 34, and into yoga and meditation. Our meeting was rather romantic-- just the type I would write in my story where I met "the one". My 2 girlfriends, who are like sisters to each other, were bickering about staying or going that night out dancing and bar hopping on the beach. And while they were doing so, I decided to wade in the ocean and look up at the stars. As I was doing so, my eyes caught gazes with a handsome dark haired man, just standing softly, drinking a Philippino beer and gazing at the stars as well. At that moment, I wished up to the stars for someone to love and love me back equally, in a harmonious and effortless way. Moments later, my girlfriends stopped bickering and ran to tell me with smiles on their faces they wanted to stay and dance at the bar by the water. I said "Okay" and took one more glance at this handsome man who was doing the same to me. At that moment, the most outgoing of the girls grabbed his hand and introduced herself. She then mumbled to me-- "This one's for you"-- and the girls ran off into the bar, leaving the two of us to enjoy the night.
The night led into 2 days of enjoyment, and then he had to fly back home.
But man, sex and love aside-- something else has blossomed inside of me lately: asking for what I want and allowing myself to receive it-- especially in relationship with other.
My desires for life at this point are basic: to marry, have children (something I've fought for a long, long time!) and write a book or two. I like to garden, do yoga, write, socialize with close girlfriends and have an intimate lover--and eventually a life partner. That's it. Where I'll end up living I leave up to the best possible outcome for my own happiness. I've realized that different places in the world do have different vibes-- and influence me in different ways.
Overall, I feel the sense of relief and release I've been waiting for all of my life! I feel settled into myself. And I'm happy. There, I said it: I'm happy! ;)
Questions:
What makes you happy?
What is your bliss?
What do you feel you miss?
xo
sarah <3>
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Other eyes...
I wept in front of the emptiness like I've never wept before. I gave away all of my fears and mournings to the cold, dark silence like a season giving its endings to the womb of the earth, ready for a new life-- a new birth.
My stomach churned in new and unsettling ways before my recent solo journey to Thailand-- a journey my boyfriend inspired me to take, but secretly left me wanting that companionship over an endless weeklong solitude. However, they say that growth comes from tension and newness is born from strife. And so a new spring was sprung in the roots of my heart. And the Universe did not lie to me, but rather sang me a gentle melody...tucking me in at night with the sensuous sounds of times long gone that have woven me into the woman I am today-- and presenting me with visions of the women I am to become-- the delicate whispers of my heart's song forming a gentle and melodious heartbeat for me to dance to and create with on this earth.
I discovered my heart and soul's true paradise: Thailand. The island of Koh Phangnan in particular was the crown jewel of my rememberence of my purpose and presence on this earth, in this life. I left with a FULL heart-- so full it was overflowing and ready to give forth to water my own happiness and let my cup runneth over onto all that will receive it.
So, alas, I lie in a patient waiting space, where my stomach is hurting again, but for a different reason: fear. Ranier Marie Rilke said: "Our fears our like our dragons guarding our deepest treasures." And those treasures are our own hearts-- our own happiness.
I came back to Korea and felt I must resign immediately, that I would be taken care of if my heart was leading the way. I felt I must not give into the fear of staying here for the money and the salary bonus at the end of my contract. Either way, I will be going to Thailand. The only difference if I finish my contract is a longer stay in Asia and a later return to the US of A. My homesick heart wants to go back quicker... but logic prevents me from giving in. I gave my letter of resignation to my boss and found warm, open hearts accepting the decision that was for my highest good. However, this weekend I got some kind of bug or food poisoning and spent an evening throwing up with incredible stomach pain. Is this fear of this decision that doesn't seem so logical-- as the money I have will be just enough to survive on for 2 to 3 months in Thailand, plus a trip to another country and a ticket home? Do I want to come "home" with an empty bank account-- but a full heart (as I have many times before)? Do I want to live with my hands tied for my last 2 months in Korea, trying to save every penny for my trip?
Was this a leap of faith decision or an impulsive action?
I awoke Monday morning and told my supervisor of my doubts and was given support for either decision.
My end decision: I will try and stay the full year: receive the bonus; go to Thailand for a month of yoga and a month of bookwriting in the jungle, then sojourn back to the states--sticking to my original vision before I came here.
Either decision I make feels the same to me and is engulfed in the same amount of fear, hesitancy, and misgiving.
I've realized that life IS a series of choices, with there being no right or wrong-- only choices. My end goal and motivation is the same: my own happiness in the realms of my heart.
The beauty of this decision is that I'll be able to put down money on a house in Portland, my future rooting place of choice!
*sigh*
Still, it doesn't make it easy-- only different.
I am also impressed with the stability of my relationships here-- in ways that are new and exciting to me. Overall, Asia has opened up portholes into my being that have made me more aware, patient and willing to make well-thought out choices (a VERY new thing for Sarah Lamb! ;)
Overall, my relationship with Andrew has triggered this delving in on an even deeper level. He has been a catalyst of sorts, inspiring my journey to Thailand. And supporting the constant unfolding of my own happiness like no other partner ever has. What a beautiful thing is unconditional love!
Opening, blossoming, remembering wholeness. The flower bursts forth from the flood in the earth...melting into the effortless caress of the sunrays-- molten beauty, unearthed. A heart's purpose remembered and birthed!
It's great to be alive and share my heart with all of you. ;)
Namaste,
sarah <3
Questions to ponder:
If you could take a leap into your heart-- and do something different with your life, in any realm-- what would it be?
What do you want that your fear stops you from getting?
How can you open up to yourself even more?
My stomach churned in new and unsettling ways before my recent solo journey to Thailand-- a journey my boyfriend inspired me to take, but secretly left me wanting that companionship over an endless weeklong solitude. However, they say that growth comes from tension and newness is born from strife. And so a new spring was sprung in the roots of my heart. And the Universe did not lie to me, but rather sang me a gentle melody...tucking me in at night with the sensuous sounds of times long gone that have woven me into the woman I am today-- and presenting me with visions of the women I am to become-- the delicate whispers of my heart's song forming a gentle and melodious heartbeat for me to dance to and create with on this earth.
I discovered my heart and soul's true paradise: Thailand. The island of Koh Phangnan in particular was the crown jewel of my rememberence of my purpose and presence on this earth, in this life. I left with a FULL heart-- so full it was overflowing and ready to give forth to water my own happiness and let my cup runneth over onto all that will receive it.
So, alas, I lie in a patient waiting space, where my stomach is hurting again, but for a different reason: fear. Ranier Marie Rilke said: "Our fears our like our dragons guarding our deepest treasures." And those treasures are our own hearts-- our own happiness.
I came back to Korea and felt I must resign immediately, that I would be taken care of if my heart was leading the way. I felt I must not give into the fear of staying here for the money and the salary bonus at the end of my contract. Either way, I will be going to Thailand. The only difference if I finish my contract is a longer stay in Asia and a later return to the US of A. My homesick heart wants to go back quicker... but logic prevents me from giving in. I gave my letter of resignation to my boss and found warm, open hearts accepting the decision that was for my highest good. However, this weekend I got some kind of bug or food poisoning and spent an evening throwing up with incredible stomach pain. Is this fear of this decision that doesn't seem so logical-- as the money I have will be just enough to survive on for 2 to 3 months in Thailand, plus a trip to another country and a ticket home? Do I want to come "home" with an empty bank account-- but a full heart (as I have many times before)? Do I want to live with my hands tied for my last 2 months in Korea, trying to save every penny for my trip?
Was this a leap of faith decision or an impulsive action?
I awoke Monday morning and told my supervisor of my doubts and was given support for either decision.
My end decision: I will try and stay the full year: receive the bonus; go to Thailand for a month of yoga and a month of bookwriting in the jungle, then sojourn back to the states--sticking to my original vision before I came here.
Either decision I make feels the same to me and is engulfed in the same amount of fear, hesitancy, and misgiving.
I've realized that life IS a series of choices, with there being no right or wrong-- only choices. My end goal and motivation is the same: my own happiness in the realms of my heart.
The beauty of this decision is that I'll be able to put down money on a house in Portland, my future rooting place of choice!
*sigh*
Still, it doesn't make it easy-- only different.
I am also impressed with the stability of my relationships here-- in ways that are new and exciting to me. Overall, Asia has opened up portholes into my being that have made me more aware, patient and willing to make well-thought out choices (a VERY new thing for Sarah Lamb! ;)
Overall, my relationship with Andrew has triggered this delving in on an even deeper level. He has been a catalyst of sorts, inspiring my journey to Thailand. And supporting the constant unfolding of my own happiness like no other partner ever has. What a beautiful thing is unconditional love!
Opening, blossoming, remembering wholeness. The flower bursts forth from the flood in the earth...melting into the effortless caress of the sunrays-- molten beauty, unearthed. A heart's purpose remembered and birthed!
It's great to be alive and share my heart with all of you. ;)
Namaste,
sarah <3
Questions to ponder:
If you could take a leap into your heart-- and do something different with your life, in any realm-- what would it be?
What do you want that your fear stops you from getting?
How can you open up to yourself even more?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Strength...
I am slowly getting to know who I truly am... and what I truly require for my own happiness. This world is a living dream where we come to realize that we are the true lovers of our own reality and that the dreaming never ends. When I was 23 I was obsessed with the movie, Waking Life. I had just graduated from college, where I learned to think and analyze life more than live it. Hence, I was not excited to be a cog in the capitalistic machine. I knew there was something better, something happier, more healthy and wholesome then working a 9 to 5 desk job in a dreary office with flourescent lighting and a cage for a cubicle. But I didn't know how to dream up my bliss yet. And so my journey began.
Waking Life was a movie that reminded me of the endless dream of life... in sleep and in wakefulness. I was hungry and searching for my purpose, which , has always been in me, coursing through my veins like love, just waiting to be set free--!
And so I have explored many avenues of dreams. And all of them have led me to the same place: freedom from suffering. We are so lucky in our developed nation(s) to live lives of comfort and security that most people can't choose. I have come to realize my choice, and hold it in the palm of my hand like an emerald that fell out of the sky for me. What do I do with it? Where do I take it? What can I make with it? Who can I share it with? What environment can best suit this jewel that has been bestowed upon me?
Hence, in this time of realization of my purpose and commitment to the jewel of my own heart that I have been put on this earth to share-- it is time for me to leave Korea. My lungs have never been so sick, nor has my body been so against an environment and lifestyle. I have fought severe colds every other week and the food has inflamed my Celiac's disease one too many times. But it's more than that-- my heart calls me forth to a new land. My journey in Asia is not yet complete. Thailand is beckoning me forth, to learn, work and play in the sun and the sand.
My new motto for 2009 is: I will do things to take care of myself.
But with any change (and there's been a lot of that on my path)-- there is conflict and internal and external struggle. Everytime I leave a place, I feel a pull from friends and loved ones to stay. The swarm of grief is always difficult to bear and triggers a guilt chord within. I feel blessed to meet so many beautiful people everywhere I go. And some of them, I know, will remain friends for life!
I have been feeling an internal struggle all of my life and my deepest desire has been for this struggle to end... to feel a sense of lightness... maybe what spiritual folk call, enlightenment-- which to me simply means a release from your own bonds and burdens: a letting go and letting God.
I can see the path of my heart more clearly now. These past 6 months have been challenging in new ways-- and have opened up deeper caverns within myself.
And I may be a bohemian type personality-- that others view "is unable to commit to anything". But in truth, I have always been committed. And do cherish and value committment. Just seems to mean a lot of change in my life.
I am hoping for a time of rooting and settling in Oregon, but that time has not yet sprung. I am still an egg not ready to hatch fully. And I am okay with that.
Okay, so it may seem like I'm trying to convince myself here, but that is my 2008-09 journey: uncovering, exploring, deep-sea diving in the caverns and caves that I've not yet had the courage to enter.
I can't get over my passion for helping people one on one-- listening to their stories and hearing their miseries and passions. I can't get over my love for writing and expressing from the heart-- or incorporating dramatic expression of some sort in my life. And of course, there's my endless relationship with yoga-- which extends out to all of life.
I, Sarah am ready to go deeper-- to feel freer and let the supposed burdens on my chest GO!
And so they go!!!
Remember that book Harold and the Purple Crayon? Harold had his purple crayon and a blank page and just began, with a gentle smile on his face, to draw his day. And erase. And draw again. And erase. And draw again.
And so it goes.
May you all experience Bliss, Peace and Freedom in 2009!
Namaste,
sarah ;-)
My questions for you are:
1) Do you feel that struggle within?
2)How do you honor your heart's desires?
3)What do you want to draw for yourself in the near future?
Happy drawing! ;-)
Waking Life was a movie that reminded me of the endless dream of life... in sleep and in wakefulness. I was hungry and searching for my purpose, which , has always been in me, coursing through my veins like love, just waiting to be set free--!
And so I have explored many avenues of dreams. And all of them have led me to the same place: freedom from suffering. We are so lucky in our developed nation(s) to live lives of comfort and security that most people can't choose. I have come to realize my choice, and hold it in the palm of my hand like an emerald that fell out of the sky for me. What do I do with it? Where do I take it? What can I make with it? Who can I share it with? What environment can best suit this jewel that has been bestowed upon me?
Hence, in this time of realization of my purpose and commitment to the jewel of my own heart that I have been put on this earth to share-- it is time for me to leave Korea. My lungs have never been so sick, nor has my body been so against an environment and lifestyle. I have fought severe colds every other week and the food has inflamed my Celiac's disease one too many times. But it's more than that-- my heart calls me forth to a new land. My journey in Asia is not yet complete. Thailand is beckoning me forth, to learn, work and play in the sun and the sand.
My new motto for 2009 is: I will do things to take care of myself.
But with any change (and there's been a lot of that on my path)-- there is conflict and internal and external struggle. Everytime I leave a place, I feel a pull from friends and loved ones to stay. The swarm of grief is always difficult to bear and triggers a guilt chord within. I feel blessed to meet so many beautiful people everywhere I go. And some of them, I know, will remain friends for life!
I have been feeling an internal struggle all of my life and my deepest desire has been for this struggle to end... to feel a sense of lightness... maybe what spiritual folk call, enlightenment-- which to me simply means a release from your own bonds and burdens: a letting go and letting God.
I can see the path of my heart more clearly now. These past 6 months have been challenging in new ways-- and have opened up deeper caverns within myself.
And I may be a bohemian type personality-- that others view "is unable to commit to anything". But in truth, I have always been committed. And do cherish and value committment. Just seems to mean a lot of change in my life.
I am hoping for a time of rooting and settling in Oregon, but that time has not yet sprung. I am still an egg not ready to hatch fully. And I am okay with that.
Okay, so it may seem like I'm trying to convince myself here, but that is my 2008-09 journey: uncovering, exploring, deep-sea diving in the caverns and caves that I've not yet had the courage to enter.
I can't get over my passion for helping people one on one-- listening to their stories and hearing their miseries and passions. I can't get over my love for writing and expressing from the heart-- or incorporating dramatic expression of some sort in my life. And of course, there's my endless relationship with yoga-- which extends out to all of life.
I, Sarah am ready to go deeper-- to feel freer and let the supposed burdens on my chest GO!
And so they go!!!
Remember that book Harold and the Purple Crayon? Harold had his purple crayon and a blank page and just began, with a gentle smile on his face, to draw his day. And erase. And draw again. And erase. And draw again.
And so it goes.
May you all experience Bliss, Peace and Freedom in 2009!
Namaste,
sarah ;-)
My questions for you are:
1) Do you feel that struggle within?
2)How do you honor your heart's desires?
3)What do you want to draw for yourself in the near future?
Happy drawing! ;-)
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