Back in the spiritual saddle again...

To decide to live in an urban jungle ripe with an exploding population and thousands upon thousands of people crammed in concrete high-rise apartment buildings, was not an easy decision to make. I came to South Korea wanting to make money, have a new cultural experience, and take a breather from things. Well, I got a breath of something-- polluted, smoggy, sometimes ultra-foggy air.

But... one can find the living, breathing organism of life in every part of existence. Hence, my spirituality is being re-constructed out of concrete and Samsung products. I am feeling more and more alive here and have just connected with a yoga community of the heart that resonates with my spiritual yearning self.

However, I must admit, that I miss the greenery of the states, and the wild-untouched nature of Lama mountain in New Mexico. Oregon has been beckoning me the most-- with its abundance of forests, mountains and beaches so close by. I worship the wonders of nature and on my way to the grocery store last night, was pulled in my the trees in the park near my house. Hiking is very popular here among the middle-aged Koreans, and so there was a nicely worn hiking trail in the grass, just between the adolescent aged trees along the length of the city-long park. It was renewing just to walk amongst the trees, to hear the cicadas still singing, even at the onset of the crispness of fall. I felt like I was in the woods for a bit, and was oblivious to the cars and the neon lights but a road's width away.

It's amazing how close by everything we need is. It's luscious not to have to go anywhere for anything...but instead let it come to us. And so I learn. Life is not a struggle, but a stream that we are merely meant to float in like a leaf that falls off from the tree-- being taken to the next river bank, where we will soak back into the soil, giving it the fertilizer to grow another seedling and feed this organism called life once more.

I am endlessly in pursuit of love. And romantic love is but a mere speck in the scope of this love that I talk about. Though I don't discount the value of romance, for I am a hopeless romantic in my soul's core. I have been "hooking-up" with a friend and a week or so ago, it got to the point where we both felt it was very relationship like, and we both admitted that was not something we could handle right now, psychologically. Hence, the steam was released, and we went right back to where we had been before, but with a new perception--with clearer eyes.

A few days ago, I had a conversation with my auntie in the states, who was SO full of positive energy and good advice, that it altered my perception in an even more positive way. It's always been difficult for me not to associate intimacy with a relationship of some sort. But my recent conversations have reminded me that I am always in a relationship with my intimacy. That being intimate with another is merely being intimate with your own self. That love is but a heartbeat away-- always. And nothing is to be talked about without first being lived and experienced.

My auntie also reminded me of the importance of positive thinking and affirmation. Words like "I am loved", "I deserve love", "I trust", and "I am safe" are wonderful mantras to say to oneself when thoughts of doubt or fear creep in. AND, it's amazing how my mind and heart shifted in relation to this friend. It put a soft blanket over the doubt and uncertainty surrounding my heart's desire for a permanence or sense of long-term security-- a binding contract of sorts-- in the realms of romantic love.

If I've learned anything this year, being engaged, and after my sister's death, it's that love is a fleeting and fickle thing. Someone can be here physically and then gone the next moment or day, without warning. Now, I don't think the human psyche can eve get used to this in totality, but I do think that it is possible to grow in love with the fleeting nature of human to human relationships. I think that is part of what I am teaching myself as I move from place to place, and now country to country. I remember that the true solace is always within my own heart and mind.

However, there are heart-friends that I will always be connected with, whether they're on this earth plane or have crossed over into the spirit realm.

It is when I remember the simple miracle of what it is to be a leaf floating effortlessly down the stream of existence, that I feel that ever-presence of what one can call spirituality, or mere belief in the heart. It's what Taoism calls the wu wei, or embracing living without effort, simply with love. And so it be.